covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
