I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
