dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
