Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
