her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
