Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
