if you like me you must not know who I am
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
