I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
pop tarts are not kleenex
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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