Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
