While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
