one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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