either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize