I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
