Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
