You can't motorboat a personality
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
