I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Randomize
