you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
