I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
