Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
