Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
