R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
