I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
