i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
