I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
