Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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