i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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