She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
