Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
