ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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