i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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