life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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