And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
