Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
