this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
