You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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