i just had sex bonerless
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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