if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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