You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
