I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
