When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
