you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
