the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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