im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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