there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
