Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
