Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
