Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
