Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
