im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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