Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
