remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
