she was so not down for the gang bang
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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