Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
