Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
