the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Text me some of your sweat
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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