It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
