every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
