Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
