I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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