ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize