six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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