You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
