I wish I only lived at night.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
