This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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