so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
