dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
