2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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