I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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