I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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